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Doom-san

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Hi everyone!

This isn't at all "goodbye" but rather "a new beginning"! ^_^

For the sake of my own sanity I'm combining my art accounts going forward while leaving my accounts Doom-san and bellydoom intact and untouched.

There may be content on the new account that you're not used to seeing from me and while I hope you enjoy most or all of what I have to share, I understand if it is too much.

Thanks for the memories, everyone and I hope to see you all at my new account! ^^


(It's a bit weird to do this on my birthday, but I guess it makes sense in a way)


You can find me at my new account Valenforge :iconvalenforge: !

Welcome to my new account!Interim Commission Info | Types of Content I Draw | New Years' Resolutions(I wrote this journal in the Eclipse UI because new accounts are forced to use Eclipse. I hope it doesn't look too F'd up for non-Eclipse users (Also the Eclipse version has a New Years' banner of Nagala as the header))Welcome to my new account!I had meant to get this journal out at the beginning of the month, but this year's been off to a pretty rough start with a bout of rough sleep followed by getting sick for the past week or two.I do feel like I'm mostly on the other side of the rough sleep and sick though, and just in time for my birthday, eh?A new year, a new account, and what better day to kick it off than my birthday?So, here we go!Why the new account?It might seem a bit odd that I'm migrating accounts, but if you have been following me on or you may have wondered why I had been operating two accounts in the first place.I have been increasingly wondering this too now, as my content for both accounts became more similar in nature and the distinction between them became more... "nuanced".I like names with sentimental value, and truth be told, I'm absolutely atrocious at naming something without having time to think about it first, and even the "Doom" moniker was just a dumb joke that popped into my head in like 5 seconds because I had art that I wanted to upload and no place to put it.But this? Valenforge is a name with much more sentimental value to me stemming from multiple sources, ranging from relating to my story canon to a pun to even being a name I've used in online games for years.But most importantly (I'm joking) it means "Made with Love" :DPlus, with the turn of the decade, it just seems like the right time.Why the new account:Old usernames meant nothing to meDesire to preserve old accounts as they are (for "looking back" purposes)Desire to start a new chapter in my lifeWhat about the old accounts?Nothing will be happening with them, really.I don't like it when people delete their old art, so I certainly wouldn't purge them myself either.I'll put a link to my old accounts on this new page of mine in some way, so that you can look back at my old art to see how I got from there to where I am now, if you so desire.( / )Old Accounts:Will be preserved as-isProbably not used going forwardWhat's next?With a new account and a changing of usernames, I think it's the right time to set aside the things that I don't associate with myself any more. But even more than that, I think now is the right time for me to carry over the things I DO still associate with myself. So hopefully in the next few weeks I'll get the energy together to upload some old favorites from my old art accounts to carry them over into this new chapter of my journey in the art world, and I'll very likely give at least some of them the touch-ups they need to live up to my current art standards. As I catch up my account with the things I want to carry over, I'll eventually crack into some uploads I've held onto.(I've touched up a couple drawings already at time of writing this. It's mostly just things like fixing things I wished I would've done differently at time of drawing or times when limitations of the technology I had at the time limited what I could do with it. Also things like updating Nagala's and Misara's skin color since I have a much stronger grasp of their character now than I had in the past)What you can expect:Uploading old art that I want to carry over onto this new accountUploading art that I've held onto but never postedUploading new art I've made since creating this accountWhy the silence this past couple years?My health issues can really mess with me sometimes and the past three or four years have probably been it at its worst. But while I have tried to post in that time, something I deal with on top of the health issues is guilt. When I feel I owe someone something, I hate thinking I am neglecting my obligations by drawing personal work, even though I know that personal work is critical to maintaining my own sanity.I had a major commission in the past year and a half that I owed to a friend and I was in WAY over my head with it, and the guilt of not being able to finish it left me with just having a lot of art that I drew for my own sanity but never posted.New Year's Resolution #1: I WILL draw personal art for my own sanity and I WILL upload it as I am satisfied with it, EVEN IF I have outstanding unfinished commissions.(In no way does this mean I will not complete commissions in a timely manner to the best of my ability, but I wish to ask for understanding that I cannot give all my drawing time to commissions or other obligations)I did finish the commission and finally uploaded it before the turn of the decade (in my time zone, at least), but it remains that there's a lot of art that I've still yet to post that I've been holding onto.Another thing that gives me guilt is when I miss someone's birthday or say I want to draw something for someone but my health craps out and I am unable to deliver on it. (It's a reality that I will not be able to complete every birthday gift that I want to complete)New Year's Resolution #2: I will try my best to fulfill my offers to draw gift art but it's a reality that things sometimes don't happen. If this happens, I resolve to apologize for it but not hold it against myself, for my own sanity. (I ask that you do the same)In all, I feel like I need to jot down these resolutions against guilt as a sort of social contract with myself to minimize the damage it deals to me so that I can stay active in posting.Why the silence:Health issues impede productivityGuilt prevents me from uploading art when I feel I owe someone somethingKnowledge that I am my own worst criticHow to prevent issues going forward:Personal contract against guiltAsk for understanding that I cannot always make art obligations my top priority in lifeuse personal contract against guilt to force myself to break through bad guilt habits and be more active
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This is something that has been on my mind for a while now.

I originally created this account because I had a previous DA account that really wasn't known for fetish content at all, and as my art had shifted to become more boob-oriented, I knew it would be bad to keep posting there. (especially since someone I knew there pretty much threatened to disown me as a friend if she ever caught me drawing porn)

In time, my tastes in art evolved into more of a belly direction, and as I discovered pregnancy content (which turned out to be an even bigger kink for me than boob stuff is) I once again feared rejection and created another account (bellydoom) without telling anyone, so I could upload my more belly-related art.
As it played out, I found even more acceptance in the belly art community than I found in the boob art community, and most people that knew me for belly art also liked my boob art, but not necessarily vice versa.

In time, my tastes further evolved toward enjoying a nice "ripe" belly shape to characters even outside of pregnancy, as evidenced in things like
 

Mature Content

Xen and Xan, Beach-Ready by Doom-san
 

Mature Content

Pudgy Tigerstripe Kitsune Misara by Doom-san

Mature Content

Nagala Belly Pudge Sketchdump by Doom-san


Where things stand, I find myself grown rather frustrated with maintaining multiple accounts because they've basically converged content-wise, but it seems that I've built a bigger audience on my belly-oriented account than on my original boob-oriented account and I dislike feeling like I need to try to make content for one account over the other "because I haven't drawn for it in a while" when I feel that the same picture could be posted on the other account and get very different reception.

As it also stands, I have several kinds of content that I've yet to upload onto either account because it dips into new types of fetish content not previously shared in the same way that adding belly content onto boob content was, and instead of further exacerbating this problem and creating a yet third account that I would need to manage, I think the best solution for me is to just create a new account to post all of my content onto, which I will link to you all from my other accounts when I am ready.

And additionally, I've never really been fond of the "Doom" username, since it was only ever a dumb joke I came up with in the spur of the moment, when what I really like is names with a lot of sentimental and symbolic value.



So.... Would you all mind if I moved to a new account and changed away from the "Doom" moniker?





To help facilitate this feedback process, I put together two polls.
(unfortunately, I don't have Core membership so I can't actually MAKE a poll....)


Could I request a response to these two questions?


I currently have two DeviantArt accounts. Should I consolidate them into a single account?
[ ] Yes! I've been waiting for you to stop posting belly and boob art separately.
[ ] Yes! They've sort of become the same thing for you.
[ ] I don't mind
[ ] I prefer you keep them separate
[ ] I might unwatch you if you combine them



I am thinking about changing my username. Would you be bothered if I stopped using the "Doom" moniker for my work?
[ ] Go for it (I'm curious what you'd change it to)
[ ] No, you are Doom
[ ] No preference
[ ] I just like your work and would get used to a new username just fine
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I may be a little late to actually saying it, but I hope everyone that celebrated Halloween had a great day, and more importantly, a great night >: 3

Here's my contribution to the celebration >: 3

Mature Content

Tiassa's Halloween Cosplay by Doom-san


(I may update later with more, since I've got a couple almost-finished pieces, but I wanted to get *SOMETHING* out on Halloween night, yaknow?)
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Thanks again for all of the birthday wishes! : 3
It means a lot to me, and I find it especially humbling how people can think of me when I know I haven't been very active the past few years because of health issues and whatnot.
And an extra thank you for those who drew some gift art for me this year. That was especially unexpected!!! oAo

My birthday wasn't super eventful. The power went out around 7am the morning before, and my birthday was basically Day 2 of a big power outage after the rain hit the big snow storm we had, and then the wind came in to collectively knock off like every branch in this entire region of the country that had been weighed down by wet snow.
Dinner was a tavern pizza at my dad's favorite tavern in Seattle, and thankfully the power was back by the time we got home. (It was a Birthday Miracle:tm:)

But yeah, thanks again for the birthday wishes, everyone! ^___^
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(I meant to put out this journal at the turn of 2019, but something came up that I'll get into more later on)



I feel optimistic about this next year.

Both good and bad things happened last year, both to me and to society in general it seems, but I feel optimistic that we'll see a net positive for this year compared to the woes of last year.

This last year was a pretty strange one for me, so now I figure a year later, I can give a sort of "Year in Retrospective" for me for the things that happened.



A LOST FRIEND


I lost a long-time friend of mine toward the beginning of last year, after we had been in conflict for about a year prior due to the trials and tribulations of life.
There's not much I can say about it, really. Life is a trial and sometimes it can put someone into a really dark place. My friend was in a dark place for over a year, and our friends and I watched him get progressively worse and the increasingly erratic outbursts that were decreasingly like the him we knew were disconcerting to say the least. I don't want to get into what went wrong in his personal life, but basically it all came to a head in late January of last year when I realized that his negative behavior was starting to affect me in a profoundly negative way, and between that and the death of Deedee a few months prior, I just wasn't handling it well at all.
I sort of confronted him about his behavior, and it was quite apparent that he had given up on our friendship probably about three months prior to this, because I was holding on out of loyalty to him as a friend (you know, that whole "through thick and thin" thing?) while he didn't even respond, and I found out the next morning that he had left all social circles that we shared, and had blocked me.

That sucked.

Me being an extremely loyalty-driven person, I didn't take this well.
It took me over the course of 2018 to really fully come to terms with it all, both the loss of a friend and the loss of Deedee.

But in the end, the only thing I can really say of him is

"Thank you for being my friend."

And if I could offer up some advice from my experiences?
We came into conflict because our differences were emphasized, instead of our commonalities.

The one thing I would want everyone to take away from this story is

"Focus on your commonalities that brought you together in your relationships, not the conflicts that drove you apart. Almost all conflicts will seem so petty in the end compared to the severity of losing a cherished friend."



A MALICIOUS EX-COMMISSIONER


Another thing that happened last year was actually the reason I originally started writing this journal on New Year's Eve.
Things escalated after the event so I had to put off the journal until those things sorted out.

Basically, an ex-commissioner I had had several sour experiences with randomly messaged me on New Year's Eve, and the conversation was enough to remind me why I was planning on blocking him come New Year anyway. Oddly, he blocked me instead, when all I did was politely inform him that our previous commission attempts fell flat because he would drop conversations and not resume them. (and that I didn't appreciate being blamed for their falling through)
He basically responded with "okay this was a bad idea" and had blocked me on Discord before I could respond to his saying that.

As I was first writing this journal, I talked to a friend about him and my friend concluded that he messaged me because he joined a server my friend helps run, saw me on the server list and decided to message me.
When this is done for harassment purposes (which the chat with him was construed to be by the server admins), that's a pretty bannable offense, and the server admin and my friend banned him from their server after collecting extensive screenshot evidence from me in order to conclude if his behavior was toxic and/or malicious or not.

I woke up the morning after they banned him to a message of 
Unpleasantry by Doom-san
(odd considering that's exactly how I'd describe how he treats artists)

This being something someone should never joke about, I was fully prepared to name names and write and post a screenshot-filled journal JUST about my caustic experiences with him, but I was advised by my friend and the server admin that he will probably not actually do anything, so I should only share the journal if he escalates things further.

Being said, the server admin noted him back with "We'll be adding your name to a public blacklist to warn others of your toxic behaviour, vindictive and malicious treatment of artists. Ciao." and he responded by accusing the server admin of "block evasion" because presumably he blocked me and thought I was the server admin XD;



A NEW PUPPY


Some positive things came out of last year, though.

Come March(?) of last year (I know I posted a journal leading up to it) my family bought a new puppy from a breeder that I actually know from the art community. He didn't wish to be named, but it's such a small world that he only lived maybe 8 hours away from my family, so my parents drove to take a look at the puppies and chose the puppy that became our dear Poppy~

She's now an 80lb ball of love, and I noticed that at some point I stopped comparing her to Deedee, and I took that to mean that she had slowly healed my grieving heart and filled it with love again.
I remember having a moment where I was looking at her while house sitting for my parents on a trip, and I thought to myself ".....Fuck. She's wormed her way into my heart. =A=; If she died tomorrow, I would still remember her for the rest of my life, just like Deedee."

May my family enjoy Poppy for many years to come~



EMOTIONAL GROWTH


Another positive to come out of 2018 was that over the course of the year, I had several interesting psychological breakthroughs in sorting out my own issues with negativity.

I have several tendencies that have plagued me for years, but I don't think I really was truly aware of them until they came up last year:

I tend to take things as worse than they are.
I tend to internalize negative experiences easily.
I tend to read into silence

Together, I found they told a story:
I have trouble differentiating between my own bad thoughts and reality.

I learned the first and second when I would have a bad experience with someone, conclude "okay, this person is just that way", and with like 6 different people last year, I was told that the person wasn't the way I saw them when talk of the person came up with a friend months later.
The third I learned in December when something happened and I asked a friend about it and I thought my friend was giving me the silent treatment. This happened several times in the next couple days, and I began to panic and it was affecting my sleep. After we talked about it in detail several days later, I had to learn the hard way for the sake of my own sanity that "Silence doesn't have to mean anything more than silence", and I used to be someone who would often worry I'm being given the silent treatment.
Now I think it's just healthier to assume it means the person just didn't respond yet or even forgot, and that I should poke them for response after adequate time has passed. (my friend even told me to do this if she goes silent again XD; )

Putting them together though, I realized in the shower one day that they all had a common thread in my having a tendency to take my own negative thoughts as potentially based on truth so I would take them seriously, when they're really just negative thoughts and nothing more.
As all of those individual tendencies seemed to share this as a common thread, I speculate that if I resolve the common thread, the offshooting tendencies should be resolved as well because their emotional basis goes away.

So, I hope this has all been a good development in me shifting to a more positive mindset, because negativity hasn't helped anyone.



STATE OF HEALTH ISSUES


Another positive to come out of 2018 is the state of my health.
While not perfect nor even resolved, it APPEARS through working with my doctor this past year that we have worked through virtually all of the problems that came up with me, and the last remaining issue could very well be my sleep issues. (...which is ironic because the sleep issues were the biggest problem I ever faced ^^;;;;; ) But... It really feels that we've come full circle, because resolving this issue means resolving the problems that kicked off my health issues to begin with back in 2011 when my health got all fucked up by overexerting myself for a year straight at a college that was rated WAAAAAAY more difficult than my fragile body could handle.

As my mentality improves, though, I really do believe there's a link between emotions and physical well-being. I'm still dealing with a fair amount of issues, but it seems as I come to terms with my own emotional issues, my physical problems (health issues) become easier to deal with.

Once my sleep clears up and I clear out my back log of commissions and other various unfinished things that I want to finish, I have a game project I have all planned out that I wish to pursue, as after playing with using Game Maker 2 last year, the experience helped me better identify what would or wouldn't be easy things to make at my own current skill level, and I believe I have identified a project that I would find satisfying.

It scares me to talk about it because I feel like every time I talk about a project or post something before it's finished, it is cursed to obscurity. It's like a weird superstition I have after it happening over and over and over again in life ; A ;
(...I don't know which psychological damage it would tie into, but this is something my doctor also identified.... I have... kind of a fear of trying again after having a bad experience. My several previous attempts at making a game failed (mostly because health issues) and it scares me.... But I should persevere. Every time I make a journal and talk about a game I want to make, I take it really hard when I can't follow up, and I don't want this to be another false start.... I'm scared, but I'm doing my best to take life step by step and day by day and remind myself "it doesn't have to be like last time")



So, I guess that was my year.

Here's to a wonderful 2019!!!
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