(...I suck at journal titles XD; )
Well, this's been one of those days that just leave you like "...o__o;", huh? XD;
So I guess to update on stuffs going on...This Morning (Part 1):
Last night, I was sketching away until admittedly around 2:30am. (maybe one of several drawings I'll hopefully post someday. orz / fml ;_; )
Not the best thing to be doing when you're getting over being sick, but that's just the way it goes sometimes I guess.
I was woke up this morning only a few hours later, with my mother telling me she thinks she might be having a kidney stone.
She's had this several times before so she knew what it felt like, (though it's been like 11 years since she last had one) but the fact that she was poking at her right side made me all like "...Please don't be appendicitis D¦" so we took her to the hospital to get checked out.
Sure enough, this was a kidney stone and by the time she got a CT scan of it, it had almost finished passing into her bladder so the attack was already almost over.
By this point it's sort of early/mid morning, so after we finish up, we're both just like "D¦ (..Well, at least THAT'S over)" and we go out for breakfast to try to decompress before driving back home.
..."TGINA" XD; ("Thank God It's Not Appendicitis" XD; )This Morning (Part 2):
Since getting back home, some stuff happened and I think I might've pissed off one of my friends, and the whole thing's just made me realize how I pile too much stuff onto me so I think I'm going to try to dial back the stresses in my life to turn me into someone who the few friends I have might actually want to be around...
The best thing I can do involves leaving a major chatroom that my (I guess?) "main" group of friends has, as we all get along fine individually but sometimes when we get together people butt heads and I just can't take the fighting any more as I am now, though I worry my leaving the room might just piss people off even more. (I'm VERY SENSITIVE ;__; When people start fighting, I'll get mad at one (or more) side(s) and/or be like "CUT THE CRAP ;A;" *grew up in a house with a lot of yelling; resents people who yell at each other* )
(I feel bad for calling it a "caustic" situation, but regardless of what it is.. I just can't take it any more tbh, at least for my limited ability to cope with things right now. "Maybe that energy can be better spent elsewhere", y'know? I just hope my friends forgive me for this ;__; )
(...Y'know, on further thought.. If it would piss people off for me to do something for my own health, I don't think they're worth my energy as friends to begin with o__o; I'm pretty sure nobody who would get mad at me for leaving would actually read my journals, but in case you are: "It's a valid point" @_@; )
Truth be told, I just don't feel like I deserve this, and I guess I just need to stand up for myself, even if I have a whiny and apologetic /borderline passive-aggressive way of doing it because I'm so deathly afraid of setting people off. (That is a side of myself that I want to get rid of. ..But it's from a truly caring heart that you even GET that kind of side, really ;__; So it's HARD T^T ...It doesn't help that the rare times I HAVE tried to stand up for myself, it just makes things much, MUCH WORSE)
I've been STRONGLY advised last weekend that I NEED TO "let go of my past" or I will NEVER be able to move forward in my dreams and ambitions.
Noting that caustic situations have contributed to my mess, I SHOULD BE enraged at the things that have hurt me like this, but I'm just not that kind of person and instead I feel bad for "abandoning" people who anyone else would probably be ENRAGED at for letting them do this to them.
I guess I just have to force myself to work past it for my own health, so that I can look back on it someday and go like "Wow, how did I EVER live like that?"
Because the point is.. "I kind of didn't".Update on the Grandma Saga:
As an addendum / update on the ongoing "Grandma Saga", my uncle had successfully dragged my grandma's ass into a doctor appointment.
(My mom thinks grandma might be HIGHLY chauvinistic and only listens to men telling her to do something, as mom thinks grandma refuses to be ordered around by other women, which is why my uncle was the first to succeed while others have failed.)
And, as a result (as far as I know), my uncle now has her Power of Attorney because one of the points of the visit was to get her "assessed" to prove that she's not fit for taking care of herself any more. Only a doctor can approve of that and thus activate the Power of Attorney that she (and my late grandfather) laid out in her will to act in her stead, and my uncle has it now because it named him in their will.
As nice as that sounds in the theoretical case of "Oh, your uncle picked her up from your house after the nightmare she was causing and took her to a doctor", that unfortunately just isn't the timeframe here
He was gone on a trip to Las Vegas for some NASCAR thing and we had to take care of her again for the last two weeks while he was gone, with him picking her up again on Thursday of last week.
We had just barely gotten a chance to "breathe" last Friday after he had picked her up the day before, when we got word from him that he had taken her for a doctor visit (which, shockingly, went well) AND that he had gotten her to sign the papers to move into an Assisted Living-type place that we had thought she was going to move into in January.
This all sounds "purely informational", but.. The reality was that my uncle was quickly putting "plans into motion" before any of us had really had the time to deal with getting over the fact that we were finally "free" of her behavior's effects on our lives. This just became a huge scramble because he was going to go to her house to get all of her belongings, and, "surprise surprise", he wanted to ask us if we could babysit her while he's gone. ...WE WERE JUST RID OF HER ;A;
That became a huge drama that finally resolved with my uncle saying he talked to a neighbor who deals with this kind of stuff and was told that Grandma would be fine if maybe we checked up with her once while he was gone. (which my mom and I did. Unfortunately as that day went on I got increasingly sick, but we'll just have to see what happens if she caught anything, so I dunno
It was just a 24-hour head/throat cold anyway
So.. thinking we were "free" of her on Friday, we weren't truly "free" in that way until Sunday. (...which I spent sleeping 'cause I was sick ;__; )
Monday comes, and that's the day my uncle was supposed to check her in. But he I guess just has so utterly little experience with dementia people that he botched the procedure SO BADLY that he basically tried to bring her there as late as possible so she couldn't spend the day there and "adjust" to it.
She cried and basically had a minor break-down, and as he doesn't know how to deal with people whose minds are REALLY going like her's is, he freaked out and his will "broke" and he took her back home with him instead of letting the orderlies get her settled in.
He doesn't work on Mondays, and he took today off to "try again" today. ...I haven't heard any news of how today has gone so far, but I hope he did the right thing and forced her to spend the day there today, and that he doesn't bring her home with him. The reality is -- none of us can take care of her. SHE can't take care of her. THEY CAN.
I kind of thought my uncle was a dick for the last year or so because we've been trying to tell him how "F'd in the brain" Grandma is but he's chosen to deny it, and claimed that we shouldn't get her to sign over "Power of Attorney" because the "only reason" you'd get that is to "make her do something she doesn't want to do".
...Fast forward to these last few months. "What she doesn't want to do" includes: "Bathing", "Changing her clothes", and minor things from "eating anything other than candy and ice cream" (which we never let her do) to "not taking 75% of the side of a table meant to seat two people". Now it also includes "Moving into an Assisted Living place to with people who can take care of her" because she "wants to go home", but we all know she can't handle it any more, and her next door neighbor (who is a nurse) was PISSED that we didn't take her in like a year sooner than we did.
So, to wrap up this update of the "Grandma Saga", we're hoping that my uncle does the right thing and doesn't cave.
(She just needs to be left there for a while so she can "bond" with the place. She's loved it EVERY TIME she's been there. I don't think she'll ever "embrace" it, but I think she'll slowly lose the parts of her mind that remember what she wants and she'll be surrounded by the things that matter, even if it isn't the exact same building she wanted it to be in. ..In the words of one of my doctors: "It's a total tragedy that we spend our last portions of our relationships with her in strife like this, because it should be spent cherishing the moments we have left with her." ...Or, otherwise stated: "Oh, that's HORRIBLE that they're doing that to you! (*quiet wink and "go ahead" gesture at caregiver to give her a bath*) Well, we'll see you next time, Mom/Grandma!
" ...In other words. "Show empathy, but DO NOT offer to take her out of her situation." ...Also, "BOLT FOR THE DOOR when the caregivers give you an 'out' " ^-^;;; )Update on Game Stuff:
I suppose "what Update Journal would be complete without a game dev update?" is a true statement at this point XD;
Well, I guess I don't have TOO much to say here (still sick, but I guess otherwise I can update this tomorrow? I dunno XD; ) but..
I've been working on planning out the "technical" side of things -- things like thinking out how all of the systems would be structured, and how it would likely need a very "modular" system to go along with the other parts I have in mind.
As a result though, it would theoretically mean that the game is VERY easy to import custom races and classes for, as it would use basically the same approach to import "First party" content as it would for "third party" content.
(might be technical jargon, but I hope that made sense to someone XD; )
I'll post another TL;DR on this journal tomorrow
(it's late. ;_; )